Saturday, September 20, 2014

About envy, judgement and how to not give a rats

The experience of feeling judged, or envied - well I don't personally experience that too often.  So I hadn't expected it when my husband and I announced some months back that we wouldn't just be buying our first home - we'd be building it.

I know a lot of people are genuinely happy for us, and if that's you - I thank you and really appreciate your support as we make this happen.  At the same time there are a few friendships that have gone suuuuper quiet; some comments and facial expressions that appear to come from a judging place, a 'how can you afford that' place.

At first I was a little hurt, I retracted into myself and stopped talking openly about our joy.  After a time though, I came to a place of gratefulness for our situation - deep and abiding and that's help me shake off the feelings that we somehow don't deserve this (we've worked and sacrificed really hard for many years by the way!)

As is my way, I turn situations inside out in my head to I try to understand the other side of things.

I've been reminded that we are so good at simplifying another's journey within our judgement.

If there is one thing I've observed it is that there is nothing simple about a whole lot of situations.  We don't know all the facts, all the sides often and yet do we ever stop to test the assumption that we do?

All of us, if we're honest are hard wired to judge; to look from our perspective, weigh up only what we can see and know through the filter of our journey, our experiences, our disappointments and our triumphs and expect that as it was for us, so it is for others.

It isn't.  It just isn't.

For me this is just a well time lesson - a reminder to squash that inner monologue that compares me and our situation unfavourably to others.

A reminder that I can not and will not know everything about everything, and that's cool.

I'll just keep on with my knitting.

{We might be having Christmas dinner in our first home, and I can't wait to show you pictures - they'll be infinitely more exciting than today's offerings when we get the house to the landscaping/decorating phase.  Before that, I have a whole lot of painting and DIY to do, so stay tuned}