Monday, May 4, 2015

A Pile of Good Intentions

I'm all for making the most of a garment, and repairing a non functioning aspect if the rest of its all good.  But the actual process kind of sucks.  Its not particularly creative, its messy and tricky and you don't always get the finish the garment originally had.

No matter how much I try to say no, repairs seem to find their way into my life and my sewing pile. They pile up and pile up - getting in the way of starting anything new.

Good intentions - agreed to for all the right reasons, but still just that - a pile of good intentions.  As I sit and unpick the zip on this jacket (its taken be pretty much a year to get round to it) I'm reflecting on the other piles of good intentions in my life....

they aren't always physical, there are emotional piles and mental piles tucked away the corners of my mind.  Clutter slowly, insidiously filling up the breathing spaces.

Still its the physical piles I can see and touch that seem to be the easiest to deal with, and dealing to (all of) them is a process which requires a whole lot of persistence in my case.

I've had to acknowledge to myself that this process doesn't come with a Ta-Dah moment at the end. Its not like when you finish handmade gift or a new dress for yourself.  Its a not a photo for Instagram moment.  Its not a rush of good vibes when you remove a piece from that pile of good intentions.

Instead, what comes is an absence.  Gone the nagging internal voice that tells you you're not good enough at managing your time when you reflect on or look at your intentions unfulfilled.  And I like that neutral feeling, quite as much as the satisfaction of creating a beautiful thing.

Giving away, letting go and just plain binning good intentions works too - and in some cases that really is the only valid course of action.  Bin it, stop beating yourself up about it, learn from it, move on.

I know once I have dissolved this latest batch of good intentions, more will come.

I guess the trick is to be selective about what you let in.

Maybe this time I'll learn the art of saying no gracefully.